So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
