lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
