Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Boobs are out for the taking
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
