If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
