I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
