I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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