As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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