I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
