so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
