she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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