I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
