Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
