I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
