Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
