Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
