I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
