idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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