I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
