We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
