his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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