You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
