I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
