I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
