i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
