I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
