There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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