I accidentally burped into my bong.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is my gift to your gina
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
