bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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