no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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