I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
we're making bets on your personal life
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
