I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
