I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
