Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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