Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I forget how to act sober
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
