And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
