i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
