the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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