Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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