Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
