Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
