wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
