the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
