Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
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