saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
