I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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