He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
