Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Green mimosas i think yes
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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