Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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