the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
