Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
a search helicopter?!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
