I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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