I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
