so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
