You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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