Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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