I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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